Think about all of the isolating that we did in active addiction. Is it any wonder that a lot of us experience a sense of loneliness in addiction recovery?Because in addiction you have distanced yourself from a lot of the positive people in your life and have instead chosen to surround yourself with people who have the same addictive qualities as yourself, once you enter into recovery and have cut ties with the “wrong type of people” you may be left with the feeling of loneliness.In my own life, I didn’t really hang out with anyone that I used with. I was very successful in my isolating. When the time came when I was clean there wasn’t that much change in the number of people I was around (0), just a change in how it affected me.When I was using I didn’t mind being by myself. I was able to deny to myself that I was feeling lonely…the drugs helped me out with that. So when I wasn’t using the drugs anymore the sense of loneliness was crushing.One of my biggest obstacles in early recovery was isolating myself. I guess you take someone who over their entire life has been burned a few times by getting close to people, doesn’t feel comfortable enough to show emotion in front of other people, and who has an addictive thought pattern and you have the perfect recipe for the defense mechanism called…isolation.
Sometimes the importance of being reminded in addiction recovery of just how sick we were in active addiction can easily slip our minds especially in the early stages of recovery. There is a fine line between dwelling in the past and reflecting on your past and sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference.Since staying in the day, in the hour or even the moment is an important part of a newcomer's life, Staying focused on the here and now is very important and is so often often what we lose sight of.Believing that many things have a way of striking a chord with you when needed is something that is learned after sobriety is achieved. If you have learned anything about identifying emotions and feelings it’s that they are an indication of what is going on with you…consciously or subconsciously.For me, reading some thoughts and comments of people still in active addiction has really brought me back to where it all began and it’s a place I never want to be again.Lately my online associations include people who are already in addiction recovery and tend to have a longer sobriety time than myself. I look towards these people for advice, motivation, and a sense of where I could be down the road. It is very beneficial to me.In doing this though it is possible to lose sight of the importance of hearing a new comers story especially being a newcomer and you only looking at one side of the coin. You forgot about what it is to identify with someone who has just about reached the breaking point of their addiction but is still overcome by addictive thinking patterns.It’s in those people’s stories that I can reflect on my past. I can truly see the insidiousness of addictive thinking and how it pushes rational thought to the background.Just recently I have had a few lengthy comments on my site from a couple of people who are still in active addiction. They are at the point where you are realizing that your addiction is having a negative effect on your life but you are not yet prepared to completely surrender yourself over to the help that you need.My heart is heavy while I identify with these people. It takes me back to the time when I was no longer able to convince myself that everything was fine but I was too terrified to ask anyone for help. I was afraid of what would happen to my life if I admitted that I was an addict. I was hopeless to the point of wanting something horrible to happen to me that would end my life. I didn’t know where to turn or what the first step should be towards help. All the while still physically and mentally needing my drink or drug.Identifying with these situations and remembering just where it is I came from has been very beneficial to my addiction recovery. Like I said, there was a reason that these people’s stories struck such a chord in me…I needed to be reminded.I’m hoping that just as I draw strength from identifying with others stories, they will draw it from mine.
No comments:
Post a Comment