"I am so scared, I can not sleep some of the worst thoughts go through my mind when I am awake at night and scared, symptoms come and go but I am scared of having a heart attack my left arm just aches so bad, breathing is not fine and heart is racing out of control, when will all this insanity stop???

I have been to AA and NA meetings and nobody has made me feel welcome at all.  I am shunned by both groups, one because I drink so I am not an addict and the other because I do drugs so I am no solely an alcohol.  Where is any compassion for me?  I feel helpless.  I feel like I just want to die.  No body will guide me and I am so lost.  Why won't someone reach out?
hold the gun steady
the world is a place of death, destruction, and deceit
I know that im ready
Our minds trapped in an endless prison enforced with concrete
Squeeze, body fall flatly
No more heartbeart



"What About The Newcomer?"

"Each group has but one primary purpose - to carry the message to the addict who still suffers."  So why is this such a problem?

What has happened to these groups?  What has happened to the message that Bill W. and Dr. Bob intended?  Did they intend for it to end up being thirteen steppers and bleeding deacons that no longer have sympathy for any newcomers?  Do newcomers have to fit a certain criteria?  Sometimes maybe we should take inventory of what our group is doing to fulfill its primary purpose”  Sometimes when we go to meetings, we know almost everyone and get caught up in the laughter and fun. But what about the newcomer? Have we remembered to reach out to the new people who may be sitting by themselves, lonely and frightened? Do we remember to welcome those visiting our group?  I think not.

The love found in the rooms of AA, NA, OA,CA, CODA, SHOULD help us recover from addiction, but personally I have yet to find any which is why I sought alternative recovery, however; I practice the steps as maintenance as Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob would have wanted.  Even when I was in rehab AA meeting would come in every night and not even allow us to ask questions but instead boast about how much they know about the program which means absolutely nothing to a newcomer. But once we have gotten clean, we must remember to give to others what was so freely given to us ON THEIR LEVEL. We need to reach out to the addict who still suffers. After all, "the newcomer is the most important person at any meeting."

Just for today: I will reach out to a newcomer, you may just save a life instead of running someone away.  

THE NEWCOMER MAY JUST BE A BUTTERFLY WAITING TO SPREAD ITS WINGS.