SOBER AND SEXY BLOG, ARE YOU IN DENIAL?

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God, grant me the
SERENITY
to accept the things
I cannot change

COURAGE
to change the
things I can

and
WISDOM
to know the difference

Drug and Alcohol Information

- Denial -

Overview

Denial is a common defense tactic that everyone uses to some degree. It is an automatic response to avoid something uncomfortable. The kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar will say, when confronted, something like "I was just seeing if any cookies were left" or "No, my hand wasn't in the cookie jar."

Avoiding Uncomfortable Realities

Snap answers are a way to avoid admitting an uncomfortable reality. We don't consciously have to think about what to say. The denial comes from the unconscious as an immediate statement, said in a truthful, innocent or irritated voice. It comes from a fear of looking bad or of having to give up a dependency we don't feel we can do without.

In addiction, denial gets stronger and more rigid. Alcoholics and addicts consciously believe their own denial to avoid the painful reality that addiction controls their life and most everybody has something in their life that controls them. We can think of denial as a way of telling the truth about a small part of reality as if it were all of reality. For example, the person who has not had a drink in two hours might focus on those two hours and assert, "I haven't been drinking" -- leaving out "for the last two hours."

Denial blinds addicts to the cause of their problem -- their dependence on drugs or alcohol. It allows them to pretend that their using is not destructive. Denial is so powerful that addicts are often the last to recognize their disease. Some pursue their addiction as their life and health deteriorate, continuing their denial until they die.

Even during recovery, denial can occur. An example is the addict who says "I know I have to quit drinking, but I never had a problem with weed, so I can use a little of that." After a period of sobriety, denial often recurs with the thoughts, "I've been good for 6 months. I can drink normally again."

Effects on Others

Denial is painful and causes frustration for those who care about the addict. The destructive progression of the addiction is obvious to everyone except the addict. Sometimes when family members release the addict (with love, if possible) and tell the addict they no longer want a relationship, the addict accepts the need for help. In other situations, the addict uses that rejection as another excuse to justify using more.

Defenses and Addiction

Defenses are normal. Everyone has them and uses them, but addicts use them to maintain addictive behaviors and thoughts. As addiction progresses, defenses become more and more powerful and rigid, hiding the worsening consequences of addictive behavior. Part of recovery is looking at reality and taking responsibility for the uncomfortable consequences of our addiction. This often means developing more mature defenses that allow more flexible thinking and more honest and wholesome ways of being in the world.

Defenses come in many different forms. We may close our eyes to the destructive consequences of using, or we may explain our addiction away in an intellectual fashion that saves us from having to feel. Another common defense is blaming, during which we find fault with someone else to avoid looking at our own responsibilities.

The following are common defenses:

Denial: Refusing to admit or acknowledge that our drinking or using has become a problem. (I can quit any time I want to. My using isn't that bad.)
Isolation: Removing ourselves from the company of family and friends for the purpose of maintaining a chemical habit.
Rationalization: Giving reasons to explain why we drink or use. (I drink because I hate my job.)
Blaming: Transferring responsibility for our behavior to other people. (I wouldn't drink if my spouse treated me right.)
Projection: Rejecting our own feelings by ascribing them to someone else. (Why is that stupid idiot being so hostile?)
Minimizing: Refusing to admit the magnitude of the amount used. (I only have a couple of drinks. It's not a problem.)

SOBER AND SEXY BLOG, TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE

I AM IN THE PROCESS OF INCORPORATING AS A

NON PROFIT CORPORATION HERE IN FLORIDA TO

HELP FUND STATE FUNDED REHAB FACILITIES

I AM WAITING ON IRS STATUS INFORMATION.

ALL DONATIONS PLEASE SEND BY CHECK OR

MONEY ORDER TO:

LYNN NELSON

C/O SOBER & SEXY

100 SINGLETARY CIRCLE #6

IMMOKALEE, FL 34142

For any questions please call the phone numbers listed in my

profile or e-mail me at LynnNelson6489@hotmail.com

TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE

To thine own self be true. Sounds like a great idea yet we all know that it's not necessarily as easy or straightforward as it sounds. Why is that? Why is it challenging to be true to ourselves? Why doesn't authenticity come naturally to us? After all, the words 'natural' and 'authentic' are practically synonyms.

"This above all: To thine own self be true, and it must follow - as the night the day - thou cans't not be false to any man."

~From "Hamlet" by William Shakespeare

To Thine Own Self Be True - Being Authentic

The Quest For Authenticity

The effort to align with our true inner self isn't an ideological quest. Nor is it the result of an immature hankering for a perfection that doesn't exist. We aren't trying to step into an idealized version of ourselves. We aren't trying to erase all flaws.

Authenticity is a primal urge. Animals live this primal urge naturally - since they have no false self to interfere with it. We feel the full force of this urge standing behind a veil of the mind that separates us from the authenticity that is naturally ours.

To thine own self be true is a quest for the real. Instead of settling for a narrow picture of reality - we want to know the whole of it. We want to live the whole of it.

Being True To Yourself - Being Authentic

Real Self - False Self

Nature is such that where there's an up there's a down, where there's an in there's an out, where courage appears it is always on the coattails of fear - and where a real self exists, there will be a false self operating in it's shadow.

This is why living an authentic life isn't to be taken for granted. Living authentically is a challenge thanks to the dual nature of our existence.

The False Self

The false self has many faces.
Most forms of stress, procrastination, anxiety, fear, indecision, lack of purpose or meaning, avoidance, denial, victim mentality and general malaise can be traced to the false self. The false self embodies the challenges we need to overcome in order to grow and evolve.

The good news is that our false self is, well...false. It isn't something we are born with - it isn't innate. The false self comes from our conditioning. In other words it is learned; and what has been learned, can be unlearned.

False self is full of resistance. It meets the events of life thinking, "this shouldn't be happening to me" or "this shouldn't be happening, period." Letting go of our resistance is the first and most important step we can take to reconnect with our true inner self and leave the false self behind. It is also the first and most important step to creating positive change. By resisting 'what is' we reinforce it and keep it in place.

The Real Self

To thine own self be true requires that we get in touch with who we really are - beneath the masks of the false self. Authentic self is who we really are. It is us - minus the distortions created by our past conditioning.
The real self, or true inner self, isn't something we need to create. We were born with it. We will die with it. We will also live with it over the full span of our allotted time on this earth. In a world full of change and uncertainty it's one of the few things we can truly rely on.

This doesn't mean that our real self can't change or evolve. In fact, true self sees life as an ongoing opportunity for self-definition. To the real self, it is almost as if every moment comes with a whisper, "so who do you want to be now?"

Authentic self is so potent - and open to change - that it's not bothered by external threats or accusation. The real self knows that it can redefine or recreate itself if it chooses to. There is no need to be defensive.

As powerful as it is, our real self can be obscured by our conditioning and acquired habits. Habitual patterns of thought and behavior distract us from who we really are. The six mind habits we could do without discusses some examples that most of us can identify with.

This is why an authentic life doesn't necessarily come naturally to us. We often need to work hard at it. We need to work hard to remind ourselves who we really are. This is the real meaning of 'to thine own self be true'. It's about knowing yourself and remembering yourself as often as you can.

To Thine Own Self Be True - Being Authentic

Working With Duality

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone elses' opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."

~Oscar Wilde

To become aware of what is true we need to become aware of what is false as well. Awareness of truth and falsehood are inseperable. Becoming aware of a falsehood, we awaken to a corresponding truth. Remaining ignorant of a falsehood, we remain ignorant of it's corresponding truth. Truth and falsehood reveal each other.

Pretending we're completely false (or 'bad') or completely authentic (or 'good') doesn't get us anywhere. The potential for both are always with us.

Our real self wants us to live our best, most rewarding, most fulfulling, most meaningful life possible. The real self is our guardian angel throughout.

Do you doubt your real self? Good! That's your false self at play and you can now put your finger right on it. The false self will always doubt the real self and the real self will always doubt the false. They are of different nature's and do not recognize each other. Yet, our awareness encompasses both.

The false self is harbor to values, desires, and beliefs acquired from sources external to us. Family, loved ones, society - are all active contributors. This external input isn't part of our authentic self, unless we evaluate it and consciously choose it as our own. Until we do this, parts of our self and our life remain unowned.

What does the world of 'to thine own self be true' actually look like? How does it feel to be living in the world of the real self? How does the world of the false self feel like? Developing this kind of awareness helps us to recognize when we're living authentically or perhaps not as authentically as we may like to.

The World Of The False Self	The World Of The Real Self
I am a pawn of circumstance. My experience is determined by events that aren't under my control.	I am the cause, the source, of my experience.
The approval of others is of primary importance. I sacrifice myself in the process.	I am willing to risk the dissaproval of others to live my life.
If I hold a belief then it means it must be true.	Things aren't true just because I believe them.
I am who I am.	"Who I am now is a result of my past actions; who I will be is what I do now." ~The Buddha
I am run by my emotions and urge of the moment.	I respond based on my values, conscious intention or purpose.
Fear.	Trust.
I need to be respected by others.	I cultivate self respect first.
I try to be what others think I should be. I want what others have. I fear I will never get it.	I know who I am. I know what I want. I trust I can get it or live it.
Life just seems to pass me by. I'm asleep and living unconsciously. Life is a gift?	I feel engaged with life. I'm keenly aware and awake to life. I often feel grateful. Life is a gift!
I know it all. There's nothing new under the sun.	I'm curious. I wonder. I question and want to learn more.
I feel numb and lifeless.	I can hardly contain myself.
I'm lonely and therefore depressed.	I'm alone and therefore free!
Life is predetermined. I have no freedom.	Life is determined by the freedom I have.
I feel like a fraud; like I'm living a life that isn't really me.	My life feels right. I have found or am finding my rightful place in it.
I can't seem to give myself permission to pursue what I want. I have a hard time even admitting to myself that I want it!	I do what I will and will what I want. If it isn't harming anyone - it's fair game. Full steam ahead!

'To thine own self be true' means to make a shift in the way we think, feel and act - shifting our habitual thought patterns from the left column over to the right. Identify the thought patterns in the left column that are specific to you, and practice replacing them with their right column alternative.

Of course, these are only a few examples of false self vs. authentic self thought patterns. Search your own experience, explore your own mind - hunt down the thought patterns that are keeping you trapped in a false self and the false world that comes with it. Align with truth instead.

To Thine Own Self Be True - Being Authentic

Stepping Out-of-the-Mind

'To thine own self be true' remains nothing more than an inspiring slogan without cultivating the self awareness that actually makes it possible. This is why stepping out-of-the-mind is such an important self help skill to master.

Stepping out-of-the-mind gives us distance from the false self. It enables us to see it. It allows us to re-visit our values, beliefs and standards and to choose them consciously this time.

Stepping out-of-the-mind also gives us the opportunity to re-examine our doubts, hesitations and fears. "Are these doubts, fears and hesitations really my own, or do they come from the values and beliefs planted in me by others?"

"What do I believe in?" "What do I choose to value?" "What do I want to do?" Ask yourself these questions and find your truth. Then go out and live it.

Stepping out-of-the-mind empowers us to see the false self for what it is - a shadow of reality. Stepping out-of-the-mind we align with our true purpose and intentions, leaving confusion behind.
More and more we become our one true voice.

God, grant me the
SERENITY
to accept the things
I cannot change

COURAGE
to change the
things I can

and
WISDOM
to know the difference

SOBER AND SEXY BLOG, GRATITUDE AND RECOVERY

100 SINGLETARY CIRCLE #6

IMMOKALEE, FL 34142

For any questions please call the phone numbers listed in my

profile or e-mail me at LynnNelson6489@hotmail.com

God, grant me the
SERENITY
to accept the things
I cannot change

COURAGE
to change the
things I can

and
WISDOM
to know the difference
GRATITUDE AND RECOVERY

Have Gratitude in Recovery and Overcome Your Addiction

How Can we gain Gratitude in Recovery?”

If you think back, you can probably pinpoint at least one point in your life when you really felt a deep sense of gratitude. Maybe everything was going really good you and your friends and family were all healthy, and you didn't have any major problems to speak of. Perhaps you had just come into some money, or maybe you just started a really exciting relationship. Whatever the situation might have been, you felt a deep sense of gratitude. Note that you weren't just being giddy about your good fortune you had a deeper sense of appreciation for your life that went way beyond simply being happy. In that moment, you had a deep appreciation for existence itself for living life with all of its challenges, with all of the tough times included. You were gratefulfor all of it.

Although we have all experienced gratitude like this, we know that such moments can be fleeting, and eventually we all return to a much more average baseline of gratitude. We might not be miserable and ungrateful, but we are probably not walking around, filled with joy, and overflowing with gratitude, either. Most of us spend our days somewhere in the middle of this continuum. But what if we made a conscious effort to practice gratitude on a daily basis?

Gaining Gratitude Requires

Us to Slow Down

Most of us causally dismiss the idea of gratitude in our minds all the time. Think about it: most of the time, we are trying to stay busy, be productive, get things done at work, etc. The idea of appreciating the little things is a mere distraction at best our busy minds tell us that everything will be alright if we can just get our work done properly and in a timely manner. So it becomes hurry-up-and-wait, and most of us find ourselves discontentwhen we have nothing to do, instead of being able to relax. On the other hand, if we take a bit more time with things, and be mindful; be appreciative we can enjoy the simple things in life while still getting our work done. Think about it: what are you here for? Are you just some busy robot, rushing to get things done so that later you can....what? Start enjoying life right now. Relax, slow down, take time to reflect, and start appreciating life.

Make a Gratitude List.

This is a popular tactic for developing gratitude. It might feel a bit silly at first, but sit down and force yourself to write out each thing that you are grateful for in your life. This method is tried and tested very therapeutic.
What is it like?

A woman was asked by a Co-worker, what is it like to be a recovering addict? The Co-worker replied, It is like being a pumpkin. God picks you from the patch, brings you in, and washes all the dirt off of you. Then He cuts off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff. He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, and greed. Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts his light inside of you to shine for all the world to see. God bless you.

SOBER AND SEXY BLOG, SURRENDER AND RECOVERY

100 SINGLETARY CIRCLE #6

IMMOKALEE, FL 34142

For any questions please call the phone numbers listed in my

profile or e-mail me at LynnNelson6489@hotmail.com

The Promises, that are read in many A.A. Meetings can be found on page 83-84, of the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous.

THE A.A. PROMISES

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

The Courage to Surrender for Recovery

There are many important aspects of the recovery process, and today, as I look back on my life and my recovery, I am very grateful that I was able to surrender my will over to a Power greater than myself. Having the courage and willingness to surrender has truly saved my life. Prior to my recovery, I had tried over and over to abstain from drugs and alcohol to no avail. Selfishness and pride were in control, and I wasn't capable of recovering from drugs and alcohol on my own. I then heard about the 12 Step Fellowship, and found out that recovery was possible. People just like me have been recovering from drugs and alcohol for years and years. Finally, I had something to believe in, which has led me on a journey of recovery that has brought me a life of serenity and confidence.

There was so much information to learn, and I became willing to do whatever necessary to stay clean and sober. After going to meetings and speaking with people in recovery, I found out that I would have to surrender my will over to a Power greater than myself. In meetings, I heard over and over to stay "Honest, Open-minded, and Willing". After the days had progressed in my early recovery, everything started to make sense. I told myself that I needed to apply the suggestions in my own recovery, and, by doing so, I would surely recover. I found the courage to surrender my will over to a Power greater than myself. After doing so, the journey of self-discovery, enlightenment, awareness, and spiritual growth commenced.
I finally found the missing link that had been missing from my life - a God of my understanding. From the moment I've accepted God into my life, I have been truly set free from a life of active addiction and alcoholism. My Higher Power, who I choose to call God, has given me the life that I had always dreamed of. Today, not only do I live a life that's free of drugs and alcohol, but I also live a life that's full of serenity, hope, faith, peace, and success. None of this would have been possible without relinquishing my will over to a God of my understanding.
After I surrendered to God, I continued to follow the suggestions of the 12 Step program. I started working the Steps, and going to meetings. I found out that I wasn't alone on this journey in recovery. Fellow addicts and alcoholics were right beside me with open arms and open hearts. I've discovered that the 12 Step program really does work. Daily, I mustered the courage to always strive forward. The personal growth and spiritual enlightenment that has resulted is unfathomable. I am amazed of the life I am able to live today, and how far I've come out of the depths of self-destruction. From working a good program of recovery, I no longer crave drugs or alcohol. I have been set free from a life of chaos and destruction. Today, I live to give back what has been so freely given to me. It is now my lifelong endeavor to spread the message of hope and strength that has saved my life. You too can recover, and live a life that you've always dreamed of. By following the suggestions of the program, we will stay clean and sober.

Honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness are the first steps to success. Surrender is the next crucial step that will lead us on a journey of self-discovery and enlightenment that will truly set us free. By having the courage to step forth in faith, we will be greatly rewarded with a life that's full of serenity and hope. No longer do we have to be bound by the deadly grips of addiction or alcoholism. So let's step forth in faith and enjoy the new life that awaits. Finding a God of our understanding will enable us to fully enjoy the fruits of the program. I hope that everyone can live and enjoy a life that's free of drugs and alcohol. Good luck to all,

and to all a good recovery.
- Amazing grace! How sweet the sound That saved a wretch like me! I once was lost, but now am found; Was blind, but now I see.
  
  'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear, And grace my fears relieved; How precious did that grace appear The hour I first believed.
  
  Through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come; 'Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far, And grace will lead me home.
  
  The Lord has promised good to me, His Word my hope secures; He will be my shield and portion be, As long as life endures.
  
  Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail, And mortal life shall cease, I shall possess, within the veil, A life of joy and peace.
  
  The world shall soon to ruin go, The sun refuse to shine; But God, who called me here below, Shall be forever mine.
  
  When we've been there ten thousand years, Bright shining as the sun, We've no less days to sing God's praise Than when we'd first begun.
  
  ~ ~ ~ John Newton

MY PERSONAL VISIT TO DR. BOB SMITH'S HOUSE, AKRON, OHIO SOBER AND SEXY BLOG

100 SINGLETARY CIRCLE #6

IMMOKALEE, FL 34142

For any questions please call the phone numbers listed in my

profile or e-mail me at LynnNelson6489@hotmail.com

I would like to take a little time to tell you about myself since I have not done this since I start blogging. I have battled addiction for 35 years since the age of thirteen starting with alcohol blocking feelings of not fitting in, not living up to my parents' standards, fear, anxiety. I did not grow up poor. Addiction is not discriminative. I also grew up in Akron, Ohio. The home of AA, how ironic is that? I did 21 stints in rehab, have had several sponsors, rapid trauma addiction therapy but it wasn't until God let me see the face of Satan did it turn my life around. I will now and will forever dedicate the rest of my life to helping others with this affliction, some way, some how. Would you be willing to help?

TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE

Today I am a grateful recovery alcoholic/addict. My life has never been better. When I was drinking and drugging for years and years my life was a nightmare and full of drama, chaos and consequences. I was what they called "functional" alcoholic addict for decades but was I really? As a grateful person in recovery I can see the promises coming true, one by one.

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear.

We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away.

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

3rd ed. Big Book pg. 83 & 84

The choice is ours...

The above excerpts are from the book titled, Alcoholics Anonymous.

This week I was so blessed to have a wonderful person in my life make it possible for me to take a tour of Dr. Bob Smith's house in Akron, Ohio. I grew up in Akron. I did not know then it was the home of a program that would help save my life some day. When you walk down the street and reach the front of his house there are twelve steps leading to the front porch. Coincidence or not??? Will we ever know.......

I walked into Dr. Bob's home and that's exactly what it was...........HOME. And the coffee was brewing.

As I walked up the twelve steps of Dr. Bob's house and entered the front door a sign hung that said "Welcome Home" and was welcomed by a most friendly tour guide.